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Four on Five

So I had another baby. That may come as news to many of you- but that’s just part of my charm. And in typical form, I said nothing to anyone about it- until I posted […]


It’s hard to believe my Teddyman would be 4 years old today. A four year old in preschool, who loves the Patriots like his Daddy, going to the movies with his Mommy, and is the […]

Thankful for them..

When I went to the Long Island Medium what seems like
forever ago, I glossed over a pretty important part of the night. The Medium
was looking for two boys that were connected, not by blood…. but […]

5 may

5 May


They say you never left me, but you’re definitely not here

They say time heals all wounds, but after how many years?

They say there is a reason, but we know that’s not true

Who steals a […]

A Letter to My Daughter

Like many of the other posts sitting on my computer, I'm not sure why I decided not to post this one when I wrote it….but I'm ready to share now.  And to that Mommy out […]


I’m not sure when the last time I wrote was. Too long ago
for sure. And in that time, many things have happened: Royce turned into a fire-breathing
princess dragon like her mom, I’ve buried myself in […]



He asked if I had a sense of ‘pride in a weird way,’ for
getting through the last year and a half. ‘Pride’- it was an interesting choice
of word. The thought had never crossed
my mind.


I told […]

For Sammy

 She was dumb and lazy. While the rest of us were working
like dogs she was held up in her hotel room with “headaches.”  It was amazing; she always managed to make
the client-sponsored trip to NYC, […]


Every time it rains I think of your little body in that box.
Every time it snows, I wonder if you’re cold. I am consumed by thoughts of a dog urinating on your grave and your existence […]

Lessons Learned from a Baby’s Funeral

After 94 beautiful years, Alex’s grandfather, Teddy’s
great-grandfather passed away. It was sad, naturally, but it was what a funeral
should be. It was a tribute to a beautiful man’s long and impressive life. A
WWII veteran, a […]

The Grey

Alex lives in a black and white world. Everything is right
or wrong, good or bad, justifiable or not. He can never see the maybe- the
possible justification-the need to occasionally fudge. He doesn’t believe in
the gray. […]

Rear View

I’ve written several entries since my last posted one at
Thanksgiving. That day, the day of my last posted entry, I was able to see the
positive-by no means making me an optimist- but at least a […]

“That crap is sad”

“Do you believe people are inherently good?” That question was
asked to both Alex and I during separate job interviews.  Alex said ‘Yes,’ I said ‘No.’ I got the


That question was asked more than 5 […]


I wrote this poem for my Teddy and all other kinky-haired superheroes out there…those still fighting- and those soaring in heaven with my precious nugget. #FUmenkes.Love you to the moon and back Teddy Fish. I'll […]

Polka Dots

Disclaimer: Nana Fitzpatrick should not read this. Thanks!


Last Thursday, I called God an A**hole. I meant it. And I
said it for others to hear.


Now I’ve thought it a million times over- maybe a billion-
but […]

A handbook would help us both

It’s the well intentioned, “is this your first kid?”
question that has become a daily struggle. A struggle not to cry. A struggle to
say nothing. A struggle to tell everything. A struggle of discomforts- yours
and mine.  […]

“I’m looking for a very young boy buried in red and white sneakers…”

Last Tuesday I went to the Wang Center in Boston hoping for
a miracle.  We had purchased tickets to
the Long Island Medium- us and 3000 others- hoping to hear from Teddy. While I
new it was a […]

The Story of Royce

I’ve only just begun telling the story of Teddy. And I’ve merely started sharing my journey through Cheap t. A Moisturizer, orlistat shortage around that that awful http://palmillafresno.com/index.php?buy-camera-using-echeck for natural time. The amsa fast […]

Our day.

Sunday’s were my favorite with Teddy-it was an all day Mommy and Teddy love-fest. It was giggles and kisses, catnaps, toys, play mats, and movies. But most of the time he would just sit […]

The biggest loser.

I regret not writing for so long. I regret that I did not capture those immediate feelings- the roller-coaster emotions of extreme sadness, inability to function, and desire to make all the pain stop. […]

Please, Just Don’t Ask.

I ran away. I had to. I just needed to get out of this place- this town, this apartment. I felt like I was going to crack if I saw one more person – or […]

My Angel

For those that were unable to attend, this is what I read at Teddy's funeral yesterday. He deserved to hear this from his mommy. Can't wait to see you again Nugget. Dear Teddy, […]

Hello Super Teddy

I bought Fumenkes.com. I personally loved it (not shocking)- but others weren’t as in love. My mom found it offensive and my husband didn’t want his grandmother going to FUmenkes.com. I suppose I can see […]